


Curse of the Red-Heads

by pupeez4eva



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU
Genre: Bad Matchmaking, F/F, F/M, Humor, M/M, Matchmaking, Misunderstandings, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-14
Updated: 2015-11-24
Packaged: 2018-05-01 14:15:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5208962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pupeez4eva/pseuds/pupeez4eva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Steph dying her hair red somehow leads to Damian becoming the ultimate TimKon shipper.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Pairings: Tim/Kon, Damian/Colin and mentions of Dick/Barbara, Jason/Roy/Kory, and Steph/Cass.**

**...**

It all begins with a pack of cheap red hair dye. Steph waltzes into the manor, incredibly proud of her new, bright-red locks, and Damian grimaces (more for the fact that Steph was in the manor, than over the new look).

"What do you think, baby bat?" Steph questions teasingly, spinning around.

"You look horrid," Damian replies calmly, before sliding a spoonful of cereal into his mouth. He chews, and swallows. "And it makes you look fatter than you already are, fatgirl."

Steph beams.

"You look nice," Cassandra says calmly. Damian frowns, because she was his sister — and the only sibling he had who wasn't _completely_ inadequate — so she was supposed to be on his side. His frown deepens when Steph's smile widens, and it threatens to split his face when she leans over and pecks his sister lightly on the cheek.

Damian shoves another spoonful of cereal into his mouth and chews forcefully. For some reason — and at the moment, he wasn't even sure he knows _why_ _—_ it bothers him.

…

Damian feels a similar sense of unease a week later when Dick and Barbara pop in for dinner. Dick is his usual, beaming, idiotic self, and Barbara…

…has red hair.

Damian cocks his head to the side; obviously he's known from the moment he met her (it'd be pretty hard _not_ to notice) but…in this moment, it seems all the more striking.

Damian shrugs it off. Grayson has always had a certain fondness for red hair, after-all. And a fondness for Gordon. The fact that she is standing in front of him, romantically attached to his adoptive brother, and…incredibly red-headed…isn't a surprise.

…

The fact that Todd is sharing a bed with both Harper _and_ that alien woman should have come as a surprise. Then again, it _is_ Todd, and Todd has always been touched in the head.

Grayson seems far more disturbed by the number of people in the relationship than Damian is. He is standing still, his eyes bugging out of his head, his hands flapping wildly, yelling, "Roy _and_ Kory?! _Seriously_ Jason?!"

Damian is more bothered by the fact that they _both_ have red hair. Surely that was some sort of record? How many red-heads _were_ there in the world?

…

When Damian walks in on his sister — the _only hope_ for his imbecilic family — and Fatgirl, together on the living room couch, he decides that the world must be conspiring against him.

That, or there was some sort of curse — a red-headed curse.

Later on, when he demands that Fatgirl end the relationship, cut off all ties with Cassandra and the family, move to some remote country and — most importantly — change that _ridiculous_ hair colour, she laughs and ruffles his hair.

Damian's eyes narrow. He wonders if his father would allow an exception to the 'no killing' rule in this scenario. After all, desperate times call for desperate measures.

…

For some time, there is hope.

Grayson is attached to a red-head, Cassandra is attached to a (fake) red-head, Todd is attached to _two_ red-heads — but there is hope for the family. And that hope comes in the form of (as much as he _hates_ to say this) Drake.

…He is going to find some way to wash his mind with soap later.

It's true though — Drake is _not_ dating a red-head. He is with that abominable clone. Damian hates the clone with all his heart, just as he hates Drake, but the important thing is _the clone does not have red hair._ There is hope for this family, hope for _him_. This curse may have threatened to sweep through the Wayne household, capturing them all in its malevolent grip, but that repugnant relationship gives him hope.

He should have known it was too good to be true. It's Drake after all — he should have _known_ that even the clone wouldn't be able to stick around for long. Lately, Damian can't help but notice that the clone hasn't been coming around much. Previously he'd been there almost every day, invading the manor, eating all their food ( _"_ _oh god Alfred, Ma_ _'_ _s great and all, but you are a GODSEND!_ _"_ _),_ finishing their shampoo ( _"_ _hey this stuff is quality!_ _"_ _),_ and making Father brood even more than usual.

The clone hasn't been here all week, and while Damian _should_ be pleased about that, it only makes him wary.

The abhorrent relationship has been a sign that there is _some_ hope for this family. After all, Damian is the only Wayne sibling currently unattached, and he has no desire to be struck down by the red-headed curse. Damian prides himself on his intelligence and logic.

Therefore, he _knows_ that he'd somehow end up roped into a relationship with Colin.

Colin is, after all, the only red-head his age he knows. He doesn't want a romantic relationship with Colin — he sees no benefit in it. From what Damian has heard, couples spend time caring about what happens in their significant other's life. There is no need for that — Colin is content with listening to tale's of Damian's everyday life (his plots to have Drake disowned, his complaints about Grayson's hugs), and Damian really doesn't think the orphanage is the subject of many interesting or amusing tales.

Therefore, from what Damian understands, the only way to save his and Colin's friendship from certain damnation, is to keep Drake attached to the clone.

…

…And then Allen starts showing up.

Bart Allen, that _red-headed_ speedster, who seems to be taking the clone's place as the manor's uninvited guest. And he has _red-hair_ _—_ dammit, he should have _known_ there was something wrong. Someone has cursed this family — Damian silently notes that he will have to warn father to stay away from _all_ magicians from this day forth — and now each of his siblings were paying for it.

Damian refuses to become the next victim. There is only one way too break the curse (well, two he supposes, but he is certainly _not_ finding himself some silly girl or boy, who would do nothing more than waste precious time that _could_ be spent training) — Drake and the clone will _have_ to get back together.

He'll make sure of it.

…

"…So, what you're saying is, if we don't get your brother and his boyfriend back together…we'll have to date each other?" Colin frowns, as if he's not sure he has all the pieces he needs to fit this puzzle together.

"Yes," Damian replies calmly. "And he's not my brother," he adds, as an afterthought. At least not for much longer; he is sure his father's lawyer will be contacting him any day now, in response to that letter he'd sent him the previous week (detailing the numerous reasons why Drake's presence is hindering the functioning of the family, and how they'd all be better off if he is disowned, and shipped away to some far-off asylum).

"Is that really such a bad thing?" Colin asks, chewing on his lip.

"What?"

"Us. Dating I mean." Colin looks confused. "I mean, it'd mean we'd spend a lot of time together alone and…that's basically what we do now anyway."

"You're confused," Damian tells him. "It's the curse talking, not you. Now — time to play matchmaker."

Colin shrugs, and nods his head.

…

Colin suggests they write a list of all the things the clone likes about Drake.

…It doesn't go so well.

That's mainly Colin's fault, Damian decides; for some reason, his friend seems unsatisfied with all of his suggestions, and yet all of Colin's are utterly ludicrous. Apparently Colin is delusional enough to think that Drake is _nice._ Drake is _not_ nice — he is dull and annoying.

"He's rich," Damian replies. "Thanks to my father anyway — and I suppose his parents were wealthy enough."

Colin frowns. "Yeah, but I don't think his boyfriend liked him for his _money._ _"_

"Well I cannot think of anything else," Damian retorts. "It seems like a simple enough solution — we'll pay the clone to date Drake."

"It won't work Dami," Colin replies. Damian opened his mouth to argue, but then closed it, and sighs.

"Fine," he grumbles. "…And don't call me Dami."

…

For some reason, that he still can't fully comprehend, he goes to Grayson for help. Grayson, of course, misunderstands _horribly,_ and seems to think that Damian wants advice on how to woo his 'adorable little friend' (Damian assumes Grayson is speaking about Colin — his only other 'adorable little friend' is Titus, and if Grayson is speaking about _Titus,_ then he really does need to be institutionalised).

"Give him flowers," Grayson says, beaming. "Red roses."

" _Red,_ _"_ Damian curses. _Of course_ it was red.

Grayson interprets this as excitement (he has no idea how — the man must be deaf), and ruffles his hair, much to his displeasure.

"Colin will love them," he says gleefully.

"They're not for Colin!" Damian yells.

…

When Tim's phone rings, and Kon's name flashes across the screen, he knows that he's probably smiling like an idiot.

He can't help it though. It seems like ages since he last spoke to his boyfriend. It's not Kon's fault — being isolated from society is one of the downsides to being grounded (and being grounded is one of the downsides of sneaking out and staying at your boyfriend's house all night, without informing Ma Kent of your whereabouts).

Bart and Cassie have been good company, but he misses his Kon.

"Hey," he says, trying to keep the excitement out of his voice. "How are you?"

Tim doesn't really expect Kon to sound as enthusiastic as he is — he's practically been a prisoner on the farm for a week after all — but he doesn't expect his boyfriend to sound so _freaked out._

"Tim," Kon says shakily. "I think your little brother is in love with me."

…What the _hell?_

Tim frowns, wondering whether Bruce has adopted anymore kids when he wasn't looking (he doesn't _think_ so, but you never know with that man). However Tim is fairly certain that he doesn't have any new little brothers, which means that Kon is talking about Damian.

And that's…impossible.

"Kon," he says flatly, "Damian isn't in love with you." Sweet lord, what was that farm _doing_ to Kon's mind?

"I had a delivery this morning," Kon says, and he sounds more than a little terrified. "A hundred roses — Tim, they're _everywhere._ _"_

Tim's eyes fly open because… _one hundred roses?_

"The card wasn't signed," Kon continued, in that same, shaky voice, "but I _know_ it was him because — well, just listen to this alright? The card said: dear half-breed clone; the feelings I have for you, which I suppose could be interpreted as love, are quite strong. I demand that you return to the manor at once."

Tim blanches because he honestly can't think of anyone else who talks like that (and he remembers Bruce complaining about strange purchases on his credit card — a hundred roses certainly qualifies as 'strange').

"Tim," Kon says, "I'm scared."

' _Yeah_ _—_ _I_ _'_ _m scared too,_ _'_ Tim decides.

…

"It didn't work," Damian growls, his shoulders hunching. "I thought for sure that the clone would be flying over here, declaring his love for Drake, but no — he's nowhere in sight."

Colin pops a cookie in his mouth, and chews thoughtfully.

"Colin?" Damian prompts. "I need help here! This is important, for _both_ of us! Do you _want_ to be my boyfriend?!"

Colin shrugs.

"Colin!"

"I just doesn't bother me," Colin replies, popping another cookie into his mouth. "I mean, it'd just mean we'd be spending more time together, and you're my only friend so…it's not really an issue."

"You're my only friend too," Damian says. He doesn't mean it as a sappy, Grayson-like sentiment; it's the truth. "And it needs to _stay_ that way, which is why the clone and Drake _need_ to fix their crumbling relationship."

It's at that moment that Drake comes rushing down the stairs, seemingly in a state of panic.

"Damian!" he yells, coming to an abrupt stop. "Did you — did you send Kon _roses?!_ _"_

Damian blinks. "Yes," he replies calmly. "Brilliant idea, isn't it?"

Drake chokes. "But — but _why?_ _"_ he stutters.

Damian narrows his eyes. "If you _honestly_ have to ask, then clearly I haven't done enough."

' _Dammit,_ _'_ he thinks. He was _sure_ the flowers would work. Then again, the clone is rather dense; this would probably take more effort than he initially thought.

"Don't worry Drake," he says. "For my own sake, I'm not done with the clone yet."

For some reason, that only makes Drake pale further.

…

**AN:**

**Hey! Random idea I had, so I thought I** **'** **d turn it into a fic. I have way too much fun writing Damian** **'** **s character haha. Hope you enjoy this** **—** **there is going to be a two-shot, so there** **'** **ll be one more chapter to go.**


	2. Chapter 2

Bruce knows he shouldn't do it. Maybe he can argue that he doesn't _know_ if Damian would follow through with it — but, well, it was Damian, so of _course_ he would.

Deep down (not as deep as he liked to pretend), Bruce knows this — and secretly, he's very happy about it.

But Damian is staring at him, with his usual serious, solemn eyes, and asking about the best way to gain "that clone's" affections, and Bruce can't hold himself back.

Bruce wasn't an idiot (far from it, he thinks proudly) — he knows that mysterious purchases had been made on his account. A hundred red roses, sent to Smallville…and now _this?_ It's obvious that Damian is serious about this. If it were any other ten year old, Bruce would dismiss it — but it's _Damian,_ and the boy rarely stops until he gets what he wants.

Bruce will be _damned_ if he allows that clone to delude another one of his sons.

(He completely ignores the fact that it is highly unlikely Kon reciprocates these feelings. No — Bruce, for all his great detective skills, is preoccupied with his role as an overprotective father).

So, while Damian stands impatiently, waiting for an answer, Bruce responds as any overprotective father would:

"Send him some kryptonite."

Of course, the moment those words leave his mouth, Bruce realises that maybe this _isn_ _'_ _t_ the best idea. After all, sending Kryptonite to innocent (not in his books) Kryptonians probably isn't appropriate. And Clark probably won't talk to him for months (which really isn't such a bad thing), and Tim will probably move out (which _is_ a bad thing).

So instead, he quickly amends his statement: "Actually, that might be taking it a step too far. Just…send him a note saying that you _will_ be sending him Kryptonite, once your relationship progresses."

There — he's protecting his sons virtue, and refraining from threatening Kon with bodily harm. Who ever said that Batman wasn't nice?

When Damian stares at him in confusion, asking him why on _earth_ that would work, Bruce tells him that it's a Kryptonian tradition. Later on, when Damian leaves, and he sits alone in his office, he wonders if he should feel guilty for manipulating his son.

… _Nah._

…

When the phone rings, Tim anticipates more bad news. He's seen Damian, and the demon brat looks _far_ too cheerful. A happy Damian is never a good thing.

He answers the phone, and is immediately greeted by Kon's distressed wail.

"Tim!" his boyfriend cries, "he's going to send me Kryptonite. _Kryptonite!_ _"_

Tim blinks. "Um, what?" he asks, because Kon can't be talking about _Damian_ , right?

"Damian!" Kon sobs, and Tim bites back a moan. Oh god, _of course_ it was Damian.

"Why would he want to send you _kryptonite?_ _"_ Tim splutters.

"Maybe because I rejected him, and now he wants to _kill_ me?!" Kon wails. "And listen to this — _'_ _Dear Clone. My feelings for you are as strong as ever, and to prove that to you, I will soon be sending you Kryptonite. This gift shall be a testament to my everlasting devotion. From Tim._ _'_ "

Tim's eyes widen.

"He _pretended to be you!_ _"_ Kon's breathing picks up. "Only, it's obviously _him_ because who else calls me 'clone', and _nobody else fucking talks like that!_ _"_

"…Wow." Tim manages, because he's trying to wrap his head around Damian _pretending to be him,_ and — threatening to send Kon _kryptonite?_

Why the hell does Damian even _care?!_

"Tim!" Kon moans, "he isn't _actually_ going to send me Kryptonite, is he?"

Tim frowns.

"Tim?!"

"…Of course not," he says at last. "The Kryptonite's in the Batcave, and Bruce would never let him have it."

(Oh, if only he knew).

…

"It isn't working," Damian growls, glaring furiously.

Colin's brow furrow slightly. "The love letter didn't work?"

"No," Damian replies glumly. "I was certain it would — I even took Father's advice, and included that _ridiculous_ alien tradition."

"Are you _sure_ your dad was right about that?" Colin asks, frowning. "I mean, why would they give their boyfriends and girlfriends stuff that could hurt them?"

Damian shrugs. "They are a strange, uncivilised species," he replies. "I'm sure it makes sense to them."

"I think Superman is cool," Colin argues.

Damian stares at him for a moment, and then goes back to scowling.

…

After almost an hour of brainstorming, Damian realises that he has absolutely _no_ idea what they are doing. Fixing Drake's relationship, he decides, it the equivalent of turning Todd into a sane, upstanding citizen.

(Basically — it's impossible).

"Why do I even bother, Colin?" he moans. "I was a fool to think that _Drake_ could save this family from red-headed damnation."

Colin touches his hair self-consciously.

Damian sits up. "I give up," he announces miserably. "What's the point in fighting it, if it will hunt me down anyway? Colin, from this day forth, we shall be boyfriends."

Colin blinks, and says, "okay." It's rather anti-climatic, but neither him, nor Damian, seem to notice.

"Would you like some time to mourn the loss of your former life?" Damian asks seriously.

Colin shakes his head. "No thanks. And since we're dating, do you want to go and watch that new alien movie? I hear that's what couples do."

"Alright," Damian replies, because he supposes that this is his life now.

Colin beams, and Damian decides that it could have been a lot worse. After all — just _look_ at the maniacs that his siblings are attached to.

…

Half way through the movie, Damian realises that there is some hope left. He also realises that, since that 'hope' is Todd, he really shouldn't put too much faith in it. Either way, he's resigned himself to his fate, so he tells himself that he won't be _too_ disappointed if Todd proves to be his normal, useless self.

He heads over to Todd's apartment, after saying goodbye to Colin. Todd thinks that his home is safe form the prying eyes of the family, and Damian decides that he's even more of an idiot for thinking _that._ After all, Richard Grayson is their brother — does Todd _really_ think that Grayson wouldn't keep tabs on his younger siblings?

For once, Damian isn't cursing Grayson's peculiarities, because now he can confront Todd, and demand information on how to save Drake's crumbling relationship.

Damian knows that Todd is a complete idiot — more of an idiot than _Grayson,_ and that's saying something (not more of an idiot that Drake though, because no one can be worse than Drake). However, the man has somehow managed to maintain a relationship with _two_ individuals, so Damian supposes that he must know _something_ about romantic attachments.

(Of course, the other two thirds of this relationship consist of Harper and the alien harlot, so he shouldn't be giving Todd too much credit).

…

Jason is grinning on the inside. He's grinning _really_ widely, because in this moment he realises that Damian is his _favourite brother ever._ Sure, that's not saying much, since his other brothers are Dickhead and Replacement, but — well, he's only realising now just how _gullible_ Damian is.

And gullible little birds are great for wreaking havoc with.

The brat manages to explain the situation to him — something about curses, and red-heads, and Replacement's fucked-up love life — and Jason _really_ doesn't care. What he _does_ care about is that Damian is ten, and knows jack-shit about relationships.

In other words, Jason is ready to fuck-up the kids perspective of the world even more so than it already is.

"So you want to get Replacement and his boyfriend back together, huh?" he asks nonchalantly.

"Yes," Damian replies, his eyes narrowing. "I already _said_ that, Todd."

"Hmm, so you did." Jason bites back a smirk — oh, this is _too_ good. "Well, I'll tell you what kid — I have _just_ the thing to bring those two lovebirds back together."

He disappears, and then comes back a moment later, with box of _sheer goodness_ clutched in his hands. He tosses it to Damian, who stares at it blankly.

This time Jason _does_ grin, because holding it back just isn't possible anymore. "Those," he says, "are _wonderful_ things that allow you to express your love for someone. We call them 'condoms'."

Damian stares blankly.

"…If these are so brilliant," he says at last, "then why didn't Father or Grayson mention them?"

Jason almost breaks down laughing at the thought of Bruce giving his ten year old son a box of condoms.

"Oh, they aren't something many people know about," Jason replies, waving his hand dismissively. "Trust me kid — this is _Replacement_ we're talking about. If you want to fix that relationship, it's going to take some serious work, and I know what I'm doing."

Jason see's resignation in the kid's eyes, and he knows that he has this in the bag.

And, because he can't resist, he throws the kid a pair of handcuffs (he'll explain it to Roy and Kory later on — they'll understand. After all, opportunities to destroy Replacement's mental stability don't come around often).

"Why on _Earth_ would I send him handcuffs, you fool?" Damian splutters.

Jason shrugs. "Because, Baby Bat, these are a sign of…your undying affection! You know, a symbol to show that you'll always be…connected to a person, no matter what."

Oh yeah — he was the _master_ of improvisation.

Damian stares thoughtfully, before shrugging. "I suppose you know what you're talking about," he says at last. "You _are_ in a relationships with two individuals, after all."

Jason frowns. "Well, I wouldn't call it a _relationship_ _…_ more of a friends with benefits thing."

Damian nods. "Ah," he says, "so, like Colin and I."

Um, what? "…No, kid," Jason replies slowly, _"_ _not_ like you and…Colin."

"Don't be an idiot Todd," Damian snaps, scowling. "Of _course_ Colin and I are friends with benefits. We are friends, and we have the benefit of being able to fight crime together."

Jason stares at him for a long moment, and then decides, ' _what the hell_ _'_ — if that was what Damian wanted to believe, then he'd be the indulgent big brother and let him believe it.

"…Okay fine, you're friends with benefits," he says. "Just say that to Bruce, okay? Please?"

…

When Kon wakes up, there's a parcel sitting on the table. The moment he sees it, he _knows_ that something bad is coming, and he has the urge to run upstairs, and hide in his bedroom, and never come out.

(Or maybe he'll go into hiding — he's sure Kara would sneak him food and money from time to time).

But he's Superboy, and he's supposed to be brave and strong — at least that's what he tells himself — so he opens the package.

And then he screams. Loudly (but in a totally manly fashion, he'll later insist).

He then takes off, flying frantically to Gotham, without even bothering to change out of his pyjamas.

…

The moment Tim hears the frantic knocks on the door, he knows that Damian has broken Kon (and he knows it's Kon, because after the second knock, the door caves in — if Bruce doesn't kill them, Alfred sure will).

"Tim!" Kon wails, flying inside. Tim takes a moment to process the fact that his boyfriend is wearing pyjamas — has he forgotten the existence of _secret identities?_ — before there are hands grasping him from either side, shaking him frantically.

"Something really bad is happening, Tim!" Kon is saying, his eyes wide with panic. "He — it — those _things,_ he sent, and — and — _oh my god, they were just sitting there, and I had no idea, and oh my god, Tim_ _— "_

Tim's main focus should probably be calming Kon down, and working out what the _hell_ he is on about. However, it's been ages since he last saw his boyfriend, and Kon's face is _millimetres_ away from his. Therefore, he really can't be blamed for what he does next.

He kisses Kon.

Kon seems to forget his mental breakdown for a few brief moments, and kisses back enthusiastically — then, the fact that he is mentally imploding once again hits him, and he jerks back, letting out a series of choking noises.

"Not the time!" he cries. "I need to — your brother — _handcuffs Tim,_ and, oh god, _condoms,_ and — _oh my fucking god, he_ _'_ _s standing over there!_ _"_

Kon starts to flail wildly, and Tim follows his line of sight. His eyes widen when he catches sight of Damian, who standing at the base of the staircase and smiling proudly.

Kon staggers backwards, dragging Tim with him.

"Ah," Damian says, looking _immensely_ pleased. Tim has no idea why, and that terrifies him. "I see my brilliant plan has worked. You may thank me."

"You sent me _condoms!_ _"_ Kon shrieks (yes, _shrieks)._ "And — _handcuffs!_ Which have _obviously_ been used, by the way, so I have no idea where the _fuck_ you got them — "

Tim's brain shuts down, because — _what?!_

"My brilliant plan has worked," Damian repeats. "Now that you two are once again exchanging saliva, the red-headed curse has been broken. This was, of course, all due to my excellent knowledge in the field of romance."

" _What_ are you _talking_ about?!" Kon demands hysterically. "Tim, what is your _psycho_ brother talking about?!"

All Tim can process is, _'_ _condoms, handcuffs, WHAT?!_ _'_

"I think it would be best if you two were to marry," Damian continues, his tone calm and serious, as if he were talking about the weather — which he _obviously fucking isn_ _'_ _t_. "Then we can avoid such debacles in the future. As Drake's company is obviously painful to endure, I fear that only a binding commitment, such as marriage, can keep the two of you together." He turns to Kon — poor, terrified Kon — and directs his next statement at him. "Some day Drake will grow fat, and even more irritating than he is now, and I wouldn't blame you for leaving him for a more youthful partner. A model, perhaps — brainless imbeciles seem to be your type. Take Drake, for instance."

"Oh my god, shut up," Kon moans.

"Very well then," Damian says, nodding, "I will be leaving now. If you have any other issues, make sure to inform me. Or Todd — he's surprisingly good at this." He stares at them thoughtfully for a moment, and then adds, "and use what I sent you — Todd tells me they are excellent for expressing one's love."

Tim twitches, Kon whimpers, and Damian (thank _god)_ leaves the room.

…

"So I guess we should stop being boyfriends now, huh?" Colin asks. He and Damian are sitting on Damian's bed, discussing the day's events.

Damian stares at him for a moment, and then shrugs. "I see no reason why we should end our current arrangement," he says. There is a hint of nervousness in his voice, and he hurries on, hoping to disguise it. "As long as it does not interfere with our current interactions, or disrupt our work as Robin and Abuse, that is."

Colin considers this, and nods.

"Excellent," Damian replies, feeling calmer. "And we shall cease referring to each other as 'boy' friends — I am more of a man than any of my idiotic brothers. I much prefer the term 'partner'."

Colin smiles. "Agreed."

Damian's lips quirk slightly. "And do you have any conditions, Colin?" he asks.

Colin cocks his head to the side, his brow furrowing slightly. "Well…" he hesitates. "I guess it'd be nice if you could tell your dad not to, you know…kill me or anything."

Damian nods immediately, and stands up. "I suppose that could be arranged," he replies. He leaves the room, as Colin looks on with curiosity, and makes his way to his father's study.

"Father!" he yells, walking into the room, without even bothering to knock. Bruce looks up, and opens his mouth to reprimand his son. Damian hurries on before his father has a chance to continue.

"I'd like to inform you that I am now in a relationship with Colin Wilkes," he says briskly. "If you interfere, I'll be forced to disown you as my father, and shall never speak to you again."

Bruce's mouth opens and closes a few times. Damian nods, pleased, and leaves the study. He walks back to his room, and comes to a stop in front of his bed.

"Shall we take Titus for a walk?" he inquires.

Colin nods, beaming.

…

"Oh my _god,_ put that away!" Barbara hisses, glaring at Dick. She's starting to feel incredibly uncomfortable, crouched in this small corner, but her boyfriend doesn't seem to notice.

"Oh my god!" Dick exclaims, beaming in that special way he reserves for his younger siblings. "Damian, and his little boyfriend, and — and — _so cute!_ _"_

"Put the camera away before he sees!" Barbara says, glaring at the offending object. "And you _do_ realise that we're supposed to be on a date right now, don't you?"


End file.
